As i sit here tonight i reflect on alot of things in life. One being my friends, who mean the most to me who i never get to see anymore. One of them is you Wenday. Just because im not around alot anymore doesnt mean that i dont think of you and miss you. Sappy. Love moo.

HOLY CRAPOLIO

Wow. My brain is all over the friggen map today. I go from thinking one thing right into another without even contemplating the logic of the journey. I don't know if this means I need a nice nap or a nice place to lay it all out so I can examine it. Who knows.

I've been traveling down memory lane a lot lately. I don't know if it's the time of year or what - but it's been really weird. I love reliving scenes in my mind and everything, but I sometimes think I have lost touch with 'today'. Maybe it's because my yesterday seems alot easier than the today i live in. Who said it would be easy anyway.

Does everything I do have some weird failure in it too?

I SUCK

What has the world come to when all I do is put quotes on my blog instead of some good old fashioned whining and bitching? Have I gotten too good for it? Nah - just sorta busy worrying about things other than letting the world know what I am up to. I am reading the book Cherry by Mary Karr. It is a fascinating book. I'm gonna make you read it, Nug. It kicks ass and that's all I'm gonna tell ya. hehe So anyway here is a quote that I found in this book. I like it.

...We sense there is some sort of spirit that loves
birds and animals, and the ants -
perhaps the same one who gave a radiance to you in
your mother's womb.
Is it logical you'd be walking around entirely
orphaned now?
The truth is, you turned away yourself,
and decided to go into the dark alone.
Now you are tangled up in others, and have forgotten
what you once knew
and that is why everything you do has some weird
failure in it.
--Kabir The Radiance

True.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

IT SUCKS TO BE BROKE

But at least I have my health right? *cough cough cough*... So anyway.... this is just sort of a heads up to the fact that this site might be moving. During that time, you may not be able to access it and, while that will suck, I'll be saving a few pennies in the process so it's all good in the long run I guess. My email address will probably be changing too, but I am gonna see what I can do about that. When I move the site it will probably look a little different too. I think that sucks, but maybe it's time for an overhaul anyway. It sucks that times have to come to this, but there really isn't anything I can do to stop it. We'll see how it goes anyway.

YEP

Isn't it just wierd how a letter or a picture can transport you back in time? It's like they are little pieces of your past that have the unique ability to change the setting to a place you used to be in. Yeah so if that sentence would have made sense .. maybe this would make more sense, but I digress...Right now I am sitting in 1998 land. It wasn't that long ago or anything, but I haven't kept up with the people I shared that year with, so to me it feels like it was 84,000 years ago. Believe me... I look pretty good for aging 84,000 years. Heh. Yep.

Some of my best memories of Minot are buried in 1998. I swear the best thunderstorms that I have been through besides last June was that late spring/early summer. My bed time wasn't until after 4 sometimes - or maybe even when the sun came up - or later. Driving up to the sweetest spot with a bunch of friends in the old Grand Am hangin out dangerously close to a big lightning storm. I only say "dangerously close" because it's what it felt like to me. I am a chickenshit so I'm sure we were relatively safe. hehe... Jamming out to Thunderstruck just because it felt appropriate. :) Running up the block splooshing in mud puddles and being carried back home because we were having too much fun. We totally killed that bathroom between the mud, the hair gel and the 84,000 men that lived in that house. Two out of the three of those were 100% my fault. hehe Canoeing down the icky mouse river and then getting crazy and jummping into the river with an old rope swing. Blech! Beer wrestling. Woah. Joey, Duff, Grant, Kelli, Lisa, Melissa, Tricia....

It was, by far, one of those years I will never forget. How could I? I had a few best friends who helped me through a rough time in my life. I made a bunch of mistakes too - and sometimes I wish I could go back and change it. All that aside, I wish I could tell everybody involved in my life that year how much I think about them. I may have lost touch with most of them, but they're all still creating chaos and dancing up a storm to MIB in my mind. I may not have made it to school much after January, but I would say all of those nights made it worth it.

So anyway... thanks for the email, Joe. You totally brightened up my week. Here's a big old virtual hug to everybody else. Man...I totally miss the Freezer sometimes. HAHAHAHAHA...

Yep.

HEY PRETTY

So yep. Here I am. Friday night at 11:30 bored off my ass because I didn't have no fun at da bar. I think it's my fault anyhow. I sure wasn't being any sort of party -more like a party pooper so it's best that I am here anyhow. My fault or no, I still feel like sheeyat. I don't even want to begin on that subject. I just wanna say KMA. All of yas.

So anyway.. I don't have anything interesting to say except that I got all these thoughts swimming through my head like mad and I don't even know where to begin so I will just choose not to begin and sit here drinkin my wine by myself and listening to some tunes.

I don't need this shit
You stupid sadistic abusive fucking whore
Would you like to see how it feels?
Here it comes, get ready to die!

speaking of blake:
"When the doors of perception are cleansed, we will see things as they truly are. Infinite."

i just got the aldous huxley book inspired by it.

BEEEYATCH!!

I'm sitting here at work, twiddling my thumbs. I am freezing though so it's not as enjoyable as you might think. Everytime my thumbs circle each other I fear my knuckles might simply give 'way and break. That.... would be bad.

The office dog (Joppa) is sitting at my window staring at a squirrel that is up in the tree. She is trying her hardest to use her Jedi mind tricks to make the squirrel blow up. She's trembling all over because she is concentrating so hard. Every once in awhile she gets frustrated and starts making wierd noises at it and moves around the office like she has hurt her brain with all that concentration. Poor Joppa. Somebody needs to let her outside so she can just chase the damn thing. I laugh because the squirrel sits in the tree and stares right back at her. It's great. Animals and their Jedi mind tricks. Whodathunkit.

So anyway - yep.

New Years was fun - thanks for the partay Stepho. The girl is the best hostest. She introduced us to garlic and parsley something or the other on popcorn. I think that was a good idea. It was yummay! I drank a lot and I caused a lot of ruckus because that's what I do best. It was a good time man MUAH! Yesterday I recuperated at home and it was a lovely time.

I think I need some candles and posters and more pictures in here because this office looks more and more like a prison cell everyday. Uh oh... Joppa's eyes have suddenly become focused on ME! .... ZOINKS!